A Place in the Community

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" As adults, we often quip that we're still working on the answer to this question. Discussions about career are polarized: Will you do what you love and become a starving artist? Sell out and make big bucks? Or are you one of the lucky few who can do what you love and the money will follow?

Love and money and passion and money chase each other in that framework. People just meeting one another may ask, "What do you do?" And some of us cringe because we don't want to be defined by what we do for money, or we're not doing anything for money, or the thing we do for money isn't what we wish it to be. Some questioners might be networking, or posturing, or judging others by how much money they make. But I suspect that many of us persist in asking the job question because we want to learn a person's interests. And we are blinded by a pervasive (middle class?) myth that a person's paid work is indicative of their interests. I suggest asking the more genuine question: What are your interests?

We ask children what they want to be when they grow up because they are working on their education. We're thinking of vocations and professions that require a specific education, and wondering if they've narrowed anything down. 'Cause it's interesting to explore your interests, but you will have to grow up and pay bills one day. Most of you, anyway.

Children are also asked their favorite subject in school, I suppose as a tactic used in sussing out their interests. The timeline varies by family and community, but at some point the child gets old enough for the adults to turn up the pressure and feed them into the same high-stakes career mill we've entered ourselves: Will your paid work fulfill your passions?

If the answer is yes, it can be quite an exhilarating time. Unless and until you hit some kind of emptiness in trading your passion for money. If the answer is no, life can feel devastating: you are one of those failures giving less than gleaming answers at parties. Worse, if only you had arranged things better, you too could be happily spending all day getting paid to do what you love.

May I suggest an alternative? When our children are old enough to begin thinking outside their immediate families, let's teach them that they will need to find a place in the community. Yes, there are practical considerations: your household has to earn enough money for food and bills and meeting your financial goals, whatever they may be. You will need to do enough work for the community to be paid "enough." Look at your skills and ask what you can do. It doesn't need to be like finding a life partner: one career to fill your heart and satisfy you all the days of your life. That's probably a little sick anyway; that kind of devotion to career seems outsized.

Your place in the community will shift over time. Your place is not only your paid work, but defined by all the relationships you have. When you go out into the world, who are you in relationship to others? As you note this, remember that work doesn't need to be paid to be real. It's the interactions with other people that bring our half-formed dreams into reality. Be a part of the community.