Religious Education

Homeschooling frequently brings up questions of religion, because a large subgroup of homeschoolers hold conservative religious beliefs. Many of them homeschool precisely because they want their religion to be central to their child's education. However, this does not describe our family. My husband is becoming pretty comfortable referring to himself as an atheist. I have just begun attending our local Unitarian Universalist church and feel very at home there.

This Sunday was the second time Ladybug and I attended our new church, and it was Ladybug's first day of Religious Education Class. She eagerly stuck a felt flame on a felt chalice and even more eagerly devoured goldfish crackers. Mom got to listen to a sermon without a toddler's joyful noise. A resounding success for everyone.

For Bug, I imagine that the striking part of this day was the new room to play in, being without mommy for 45 minutes, and the new toddler friends to play with. I am struck by the idea of dropping her off to (eventually) be taught about a subject as personal as religion by someone else. I'm reflecting on why I am mostly comfortable with the decision. Most parents seem to feel that tug when sending their child to school. But for a homeschooler, this is an especially sensitive spot. Am I indoctrinating her? Why am I rejecting one institution and accepting another?

That day's sermon provided part of the answer to my questions. In honor of the beginning of Religious Education classes, the topic was Education. The minister spoke about the value of letting children explore their consciences, rather than imparting absolute truth. He went on to say, "The Unitarian Universalist faith is a faith for explorers, and we need to encourage our educational systems...to explore in greater depth." This philosophy is in line with my own, in large part because of the trust and respect offered to children. I am willing to trust a small part of my child's education to people with this philosophy of exploration.

No Bonus Points, Part Two: Community

Part One of this post can be found here.

My husband and I have realized that we are way overdue for some support in this parenting job. Him writing and defending his dissertation, followed immediately by a move with toddler and brand new job, these were just last straws. Very. Heavy. Straws.

So where to find a sitter in a town full of strangers? Start by acknowledging that this isn't a town full of strangers. We've lived around here for six years now, and made good friends. Since moving here, and especially since Ladybug's birth, I have learned a lot about participating in a community. A good first step is to be willing to talk to people, which will make friends out of strangers.

I met my some of my closest mom friends through La Leche League meetings. It didn't happen immediately. In fact, after my first meeting I was a little put off by how easily the other moms were chatting with each other and not me. But I kept attending and learned how easy it is to talk to others you've gotten to know. When another mom started talking about a childcare swap, I said, "Let's do it!" and we formed a three-mom weekly support group. Earlier this summer we took turns watching each other's kids, and I actually did get to several chiropractic appointments that way. I admit to not mentioning this great arrangement in my rant post. Goes to show how jealousy and exhaustion skew our perspective.

I have been working on becoming a regular at our local homeschool playgroup, in hopes that over time our family can form even more friendships. So last week I went to the archives of that group's discussion list and found a homeschooled teen looking for babysitting jobs. She was available on a particular night we needed and came with references. I was excited but still nervous about leaving our toddler with a perfect stranger, even one with CPR training.

It turns out community was on my side. When I asked our sitter for her references, one of them was my La Leche League leader. I was so relieved and said to my husband, "She's not a stranger anymore!" Turns out the LLL leader has known the sitter for years, since she was young enough to need a sitter herself. She watched Bug for us and things went smoothly. I don't know if her schedule or interests will allow for her to be the regular sitter or not, but I was so encouraged by the whole chain of events. We're not alone here, in homeschooling or parenting.

No Bonus Points, Part One: The Rant

I am sometimes a mass of negative feelings about motherhood. It's much easier to blog about the happy, fun times. I don't have to worry about Ladybug reading the posts later and feeling bad, or about making my own mother feel guilty. I also don't write up the negative times because I am naturally trying to focus on the positive to improve my mood. Then there's the old standard, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

So this post has been burning on the back burner while I came up with a way to say something useful and not just rant and complain. The whiny part is: I live hundreds of miles from almost all of my family. I have one sister in town, who is young and busy trying to make her life work. (Like us, she does not own a car, which means we see her about twice a month when things are good.) Lately I cannot read or hear people talking about the family support they receive without drowning in jealousy. When people ask me how I like motherhood, I answer honestly, "It's good, but unrelenting." Unrelenting to be on call 24/7, and to never get a break unless it's at your spouse's expense. For all of Bug's life, it has been my husband or me caring for her. There have been a handful of evenings in almost two years where friends put her to bed, or came over after she was asleep so we could go out. My sister watched her for us on our wedding anniversary.

Every other moment has been my husband and me, learning to parent this daughter with a big, sparkling, demanding personality. We never worry that this girl won't speak her mind. Throughout her infancy I avoided the phrase "high needs baby" because I didn't want to sound whiny. Isn't that something mothers just claim to get extra sympathy?  We all have a hard job as parents. Very hard. But, as Bug approaches two years, I am finding that I resonate with the descriptions in Raising Your Spirited Child. The intro made me tear up, because I am exhausted.

I hear other people talking about how their mother comes over every week. Or how they "prefer not to use babysitters," when I know they have family regularly watching their children. I want to scream. I love my baby so much, and I have noticed that a few hours away is all I need to refresh myself, see her as the darling child she is, and parent her the way she deserves.

Time for the personal responsibility: why haven't I been arranging those few hours for myself? Why have I let myself get to the point where I don't know when I could schedule a doctor's appointment, let alone a pedicure? I had a great conversation with a set of newish parents who have been friends of ours for several years now. I admit they are among those who bring out my jealousy, because they are so much more relaxed, and consequently happier than I am. Anyway, they mentioned how getting a sitter happened early in their son's life because Dad's birthday fell soon after baby's birth, and they wanted to celebrate. Being able to have a sitter became a regular thing, and they say getting one early is one of the best things they did. I agreed wholeheartedly that it's a good plan. There are no bonus parenting points to be won for doing everything yourself.

I look back at Bug's early days and wonder if I really could have done anything differently. I left her with her dad at 6 weeks so I could go to my postpartum appointment. She screamed the entire two hours I was gone. Every subsequent time I left her, she did the same thing. Around three months, my husband held her and tried to comfort her for four hours while I dared to go shopping with a friend. I reflect on those days and think that I must have developed a habit of doing everything myself, of writing off time to myself, because my newborn would freak out otherwise.

But things have changed. Bug can now self-soothe. She actually screams much less at other people than she does at me! Time to contemplate a solution. This has proven to be a long post, so I think I will continue in "Part Two."

It's Still Summer!

We just had a really fun morning with friends at our local park's wading pool. Today was the first time any of us had visited this pool, even though it's already late summer. Back to school sales are everywhere, Pinterest is full of fall recipes, and I caught myself planning Ladybug's Halloween costume. For a planner like me, it's easy to get ahead of myself and forget where we are now.

I'm writing this post to remind myself that we just moved to a great new neighborhood, and I have found at least three new playgrounds. We have a little less than one month before the wading pool closes for the season, so I'd like to squeeze every drop of fun out of the rest of the summer. The library can wait for the (many, many) cold days ahead.

Today is August 14. I bet I could make it to the wading pool or sprinkler park at least ten more times before August is over. I will break out the sunscreen.

Me, Content to Follow

Ugh, potty training. I put all of life on hold last week because I thought it was time to pursue intensive potty training. It seems wrong to spill all the gory details publicly, so let's just say I was wrong, that it was not time to go diaper-free, and Miss Bug let me know that. I stayed vigilant (bullheaded) for exactly five days. Today I was in a funk over my failure, and tonight I'm ready to take all of life back off hold so I can return to enjoying motherhood. That's how bad failed potty training was. I do normally enjoy motherhood.

When I started this blog I wrote a description for it that refers to my best-laid plans and my toddler's idea of a good time. Weeks like last week are why. We have this cycle, maybe all parents and children do, where I plot a course and she either rolls with it or runs in the other direction. If she's not rolling I get intensely frustrated for a period of time. When I'm wise, it's a couple hours. Sometimes it's a week. With The Great Nap War, it was almost a year.

Then I lighten up and change course. I have to look to her strengths and her cues. I have to give her the attention she needs and also cut myself a little slack. Inject fun.

Although the potty thing isn't happening right now, Ladybug is all about dressing and undressing lately. I think I will focus on that all-important life skill. We can do lots of practicing with shoes and getting in and out of clothes. She'll have a blast, and I'll be paying attention to what she wants to practice, and doing less imposing of my agenda. Also, there's a book for that: Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear?.

Now my frustration is beginning to evaporate. That always happens when I roll with her plan.

"New Home!"

We're moving. Not a big cross-country move, but to another town in our same metro-area. I am extremely stressed by moves and therefore hoping to help Ladybug through the move as gently as possible. We have been reading a couple books to introduce her to the idea of a move. My favorite is The Berenstain Bears' Moving Day.

What I love about The Berenstain Bears book is how well the authors capture why a young family moves. The book is set "when Brother Bear was an only cub," which nicely mirrors our family of three. Things aren't bad in the current home, but they could be better. Mama and Papa Bear will have better work opportunities in the form of forests for furniture making and rich soil for gardening. As a current city-dweller in a ninth floor apartment, I really appreciated the description of the bears' old cave high on a mountain with a magnificent view! The bears' new tree house is even a fixer-upper with a little peeling bark. So many of the details are likely to apply to a young family.

This book covers all the basics. A kiddo gets to see what packing looks like, contemplate saying goodbye to friends, watch moving bears pack up the truck, and take the journey to the new home. I have been referring to the way the bears packed up as we have been packing our things into boxes. I tell Ladybug they are all going to the new home. She can say, "New home!" and calls the book "Bears' Home." I'm hopeful that moving day will be a little less stressful with this dialogue in place for us.

Penguins

Long before March of the Penguins and Happy Feet, there was an ugly blue bathroom in a rental apartment. A beautiful shower curtain with a photo of penguins lined up on ice and snow came along and brought the whole bathroom together. Those penguins turned the look of the room around, making powder blue tile reminiscent of sparkling ice crystals.

I have been fond of penguins ever since. About ten years ago, when we were dating, my husband gave me a stuffed penguin. Years later, on the Mother's Day when I was pregnant with Ladybug, he gave me a stuffed mama and baby penguin to go with the original gift. Now I had a penguin family in celebration of our growing family -- adorable, right?  Ladybug found the penguin family today, and she's smitten. We got to talk about mama and papa and baby penguins. I love that this discussion isn't a total retreat from reality, since penguin fathers are involved in caring for chicks.

Tonight before bed, Ladybug picked a penguin book for me to read. We haven't done much storytime snuggling over non-fiction books, but I gave it a go. This is a book with way too much text for a young toddler, so I got to exercise my summarizing skills. We talked a lot about the mama and baby penguins. She was also thrilled with the knowledge that penguins "swim in wa-wa!" There was a drawing of a penguin skeleton, so I explained that many animals have hard bones in their bodies. I told her she has a long bone in her arm and her leg and that penguins have bones too. She said, "Penguin bones!"

How fun that we had a totally unplanned pre-preschool penguin study! Maybe I will schedule an aquarium trip soon.